


EB: Answer this guy

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-16
Updated: 2011-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-16 22:32:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/170098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captchalogue Prompt: This is probably prompted to death...But how about a "the kids are trolls and the trolls are kids" pesterlog prompt. Bonus: human!KK or troll!John perspective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	EB: Answer this guy

Your name is JOHNUS EGBRET. Today, the 13th perigree of the 4th dark season, is an especially special day for you because it is both your wriggling day (which you don't really care about) and the day that you're going to play this really sweet game your moirail sent you! GAMING is one of your INTERESTS, along with MOVIES OF BELOW AVERAGE CINEMATOGRAPHIC VALUE (a classification you strongly disagree with) and SLEIGHT OF HAND. You intend to join the ranks of the ENTERTAINTRICKERS someday, which Davrid would say is a completely pussy ass ambition for a highblood like you, but hey that's your choice.

...Did you mention that another reason you're excited about this game is because your future matesprit will be playing too? At least, that's what you believe. Maybe working in close quarters will bring out some flushed-- oh hey look who's this douchebag trolling you.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: SO I GUESS TODAY IS THE DAY YOU FUCK EVERYTHING UP.  
EB: uh, do i know you?  
CG: IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE YOUR MIND?  
CG: AND YES. OR NO. YOU WILL KNOW ME. I AM YOUR GOD.  
CG: I AM THE GUY WHO HATES YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD RIGHT NOW. IT'S HARD FOR ME TO EVEN EXPRESS MY BURNING HATRED FOR YOU IN WORDS.  
EB: uhhhh...  
EB: coming on a bit strong there don't you think?  
EB: i mean, we're only strangers...  
CG: OH FUCKING HELL. IS THIS MORE OF YOUR CONFUSING QUADRANTS BULLSHIT.  
EB: i mean i'm flattered, really, but  
EB: wait  
EB: you're confused by quadrants?  
CG: OH FUCK NO  
EB: okay, i guess you must be like a three sweep old or something, but didn't your lusus tell you these things?  
EB: mine did, he baked me a grubcake and sat me down and explained it all to me when i was only two.  
CG: OKAY THAT'S WAY TOO FUCKING YOUNG WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM.  
CG: WAIT, NO. WE ARE NOT HAVING THIS DISCUSSION. WE'RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT THAT FUCKING GAME.  
EB: what game? SGRUB?  
CG: IF BY SGRUB YOU MEAN SBURB THEN YES. I'LL ASSUME THAT'S A TYPO.  
CG: YES THAT FUCKING GAME. THE REASON I'M HERE, TALKING TO YOUR ALIEN ASS, MAKING FIRST CONTACT OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU CALL IT.  
EB: what? i'm not an alien! why would you think that?  
CG: BECAUSE YOU FUCKING ARE. YOUR FUCKING HORNS AND GRAY SKIN, I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL. THAT'S REALLY WEIRD.  
EB: oh i get it! we're roleplaying!  
EB: my moirail jaedri does that kind of stuff all the time! sometimes it's kind of fun.  
CG: AGAIN WITH THOSE WORDS. THAT'S MORE QUADRANTS BULLSHIT, ISN'T IT?  
EB: well yeah, moirallegiance is a quadrant...  
EB: but! i guess if we're pretending you're an alien, it makes sense that you wouldn't understand this kind of thing, right?  
EB: so what kind of alien are you? one of the races we conquered? i didn't think they were that smart! or is this your aliensona? this is some sort of alternate universe thing, right?  
CG: WAIT NO. I AM NOT ROLEPLAYING. I AM NOT AN ALIEN. YOU'RE THE ALIEN, DON'T FUCKING TURN THIS AROUND.  
EB: i don't think i can keep this up, CG! you really should ask jaedri, she's much better at it than me!  
CG: AAAAAUGH FUCK  
EB: why are you hiding your blood color?  
CG: BLOOD COLOR? THE FUCK?  
EB: unless you actually have gray blood! but that's stupid, nobody has gray blood. so what is it?  
EB: i'm a member of the aristocracy, if you couldn't tell!  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.  
CG: MY BLOOD IS RED.  
EB: red like maroon red? because i know this troll who has maroon red blood. at least that's what he told me! he types in gray like you, actually.  
CG: NO, RED LIKE, BRIGHT RED.  
EB: woah.  
EB: that's, like...  
EB: that's pretty... weird, dude! you should probably not tell anybody about that!  
EB: i won't report you to the threshcutioners because you seem kind of confused.  
EB: plus you seem pretty black for me, and well...  
EB: i'm pretty selective, but i kinda don't have a kismesis right now so if your feelings are really that black, we should, like, fight it out later.  
CG: WOAH WAIT STOP. THIS CONVERSATION GOT OFF TRACK QUICKLY. FUCK. REWIND.  
CG: ARIEL, GET IN HERE AND REWIND TIME HERE SO I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS STUPID CULTURAL BULLSHIT.  
EB: who's ariel?  
CG: NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS IS WHO.  
EB: is she your matesprit? what was that about rewinding time?  
CG: OKAY FUCKING STOP IT. STOP IT WITH THE QUADRANTS AND THE GAY HATEFLIRTING.  
CG: I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL.  
EB: what's that? :?  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IT MEANS, DIPSHIT? IT MEANS I DON'T LIKE GUYS LIKE YOU.  
CG: I DON'T DATE ALIEN FREAKS, EITHER, AND WHY ARE WE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION WE ARE HERE TO TALK ABOUT SBURB.  
CG: AND HOW YOUR ACTIONS INEVITABLY FUCK IT UP FOR US.  
CG: SO I GUESS THE REASON I'M MESSAGING YOU IS TO MAKE YOU PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID BY MAKING YOU AS MISERABLE AS POSSIBLE.  
EB: because you hate me so much?  
CG: YES, BECAUSE I HATE YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF  
CG: WAIT NO  
CG: THIS IS MORE OF YOUR WEIRD FLIRTY ALIEN BULLSHIT ISN'T IT?  
EB: maaaaaaaaybe?  
CG: OKAY I JUST COUNTED EIGHT A'S THERE.  
CG: HAS VAL BEEN TALKING TO YOU? OH CHRIST SHE HAS, HASN'T SHE.  
EB: you know val? i didn't know she was into rping.  
EB: yeah, we're pretty tight! If jaedri wasn't my moirail already, she probably would be!  
EB: plus, she's another member of the aristocracy, so we have a lot in common!  
CG: FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. THE COLOR WE TYPE IN DOES NOT CORRESPOND TO THE COLOR OF OUR BLOOD. WHICH I ASSUME IS WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE.  
CG: HER BLOOD IS RED. LIKE MINE.  
EB: oh  
EB: oh gog  
CG: BUT IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER BECAUSE WE ARE HUMANS IN AN ABANDONED LAB IN THE VEIL AND OH HEY LOOK METEORS RAINING DOWN ON YOUR HOUSE, OR GRUBSTEM OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT.  
EB: you mean my hivestem?  
CG: YEAH THAT.  
CG: I DON'T WANT THIS TO BECOME A DOOMED TIMELINE SO YOU BETTER FUCKING GET GOING WITH THAT ALCHEMITER. YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE OVER FOUR MINUTES.  
EB: for what?  
CG: TO GET INTO THE VEIL, FUCKASS.  
EB: oh. okay! listen, i gotta go, so let's roleplay some other time, okay? i'll ask jaedri for some tips.  
CG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE I AM NOT  
EB: oh, and CG?  
EB: <3

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CG: FUCK YOU.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

Just a little ficlet, for practice. I know it's been done before, but I just wanted to try anyway. Enjoy! If someone else wants to post more troll!kid shenanigans, please do!


End file.
